Here were some replies I and my husband had:

My mother worked at that school. She was “in” with that crowd. They all know us/know who the Johnpoll kids are (my brother and sister went there as well, and my sister now goes to the high school since HACS only goes to 8th grade).

Maybe if they didn’t know us, I wouldn’t feel so bad. The fucking library was dedicated to her when she died.

This is a Chabad, they welcome everyone. If it was a normal orthodox place, I’d understand (I grew up going to an orthodox synagogue, they are very exclusive) but Chabad is very inclusive, and the school is a Chabad school.

DH is going to tell Dorian to tell them that it isn’t very Jewish of them to say that, and he is going to teach him Judge not, Lest ye be judged.

Something DH had to day:

Like AZX said, I am used to being an outsider. I have been since I was around Dorian’s age, first because I was the fat kid, then because I was a nerdy kid, then because I was a freak. I wear the freak tag with pride because it was the one that I chose for myself.

I agree that I am sad because my choice to look different and live outside of conformity has affected my son now. What is amusing is that dress wise, I am generally just as conservative as most of the other fathers there that are not Chassidic. Polo shirts or button down shirts with Dickies or khakis and oxfords or ankle boots. The fact that I am somewhat heavily tattooed makes me stand out like I had a sign on my forehead saying “GOYIM!!! STAY AWAY!!!” Even more amusing is that the staff are very welcoming to us, even to the point that the Rabbi’s son made a point of approaching me at the synagogue’s Hanukkah Festival this weekend and, basically, performing my Bar Mitzvah, welcoming me into the fold. This was wearing Dickies short and short sleeve work shirt with all my ink hanging out. I have noticed that the community stand by their own to the very end. The problem here is when you don’t feel like you are part of “their own”.

After this morning, I was so tempted to suggest we pull Dorian out and put him in the public school around the corner. There, we would be the cool parents and he could get his speech therapy easier. But the schooling sucks and he wouldn’t get the Judaic education as well.

Like she said, I think we should just tell Dorian to let the other kids know that saying mean things like that isn’t a very Jewish way to treat other people. I am wondering if we should bring it up with his teachers, esp since it is affecting his integration into the class.

Fish (who still needs to make an account)

and me again:

I briefly spoke with one of D’s teachers today after school (she happened to walk by while I was waiting in line) and I mentioned I wanted to schedule a chat with her and the other teacher for next week about D (they are off tomorrow & Friday). She asked why and I mentioned what D said about the kids telling him he isn’t Jewish and I was concerned about exclusion because of how we look. She was glad I mentioned it (like I said, this was brief, she was on her way to the office) and said they teach inclusion, and have lessons where they show different peoples of the world (she cited one example of showing Greeks vs Palastinians vs another group) and ask the kids to show who is Jewish and who isn’t. They often point to the Greeks because of the beards and say the group without beards isn’t Jewish, and so they discuss how you cannot tell what a person is based on the outside. I was so relieved to hear that, and she said she was glad another opportunity came up to teach it (not the reason the opportunity came up, but that it came up in general).

I am hoping that we do have that chat next week and we can sit in on the lesson.
Michael and I were both upset about it, and from a phone call I had with DH, it has been weighing on his mind too, especially since he was in there for quite a bit this morning and the kids got a good eyeful of his arms.

and a little more:

I’m not looking to change over 5000 years of Talmudic law… I am hoping that my kids feel just as included as any other kid.

The faculty has always been great. When we came back, they welcomed us back, and the kids could have started back that day if I was ready for it. I suppose it was a problem before too, but… my mom was dealing with their school stuff, including taking them and bringing them home, for the bulk of last year (up until she stopped working, basically), so other than occasional parent invited stuff, it didn’t matter much. Now that I am kind of inserting myself (and Michael in the mornings, as he takes them) we are much more… visible?

I also hope it makes for a good life lesson. Dorian isn’t letting it get to him, I don’t think, but I don’t want it to be a problem later. He kind of wedges himself in, he talks about his friends, so it isn’t everyone.

I really hate most people. I hate being reminded why I hate most people.

So we will see what really happens next week. Dorian seems to be taking it in stride, but if asked, he does want us to talk to the teacher and see what we can do. I fear we can’t *do* anything, but maybe making it a public issue will help resolve it, and show the rest of the school that while we might not be chassidic Jews, we are Jews just the same.