All the said, this Post Secret hit home for me today. I’ve save the image in case blogspot doesn’t host it at some point, but I have linked it to the original.

I constantly see cards I want to get for people who just don’t care if they get a card anymore or not, and on the flip side, I see cards I wish I would get from them, because they are just the type of card they would purchase. It doesn’t make important days any harder or easier, but it always makes me smile when I spot one. I wonder if I got them and sent them to the cemetery if whoever gets the mail there would think I’m nuts.

Where to start…  we went to Orlando this past weekend. Sorry local gals – we went up in one car and I knew I wouldn’t be able to get away so I didn’t even bother posting about it. I will be uploading pictures at some point, so expect a photo spam post.

We hit Animal Kingdom (something we almost never do), MGM (excuse me, Disney’s Hollywood Studios) & Magic Kingdom. We were up early enough to see them *open* on both Sunday & Monday. Not. In. Years. It was a real treat for the kids. We left around 2 PM on Monday and were home around 6PM (hit those rain storms headed up and back).

We’ll be back up in Sept or Oct, the boys want to stay at Wilderness Lodge – we’ll see. That will depend on if the work I am expecting comes through and a few other things as well. It’s their birthday trip, so I usually try to keep them in on the plans and such.

Tuesday morning we had M’s IEP. All is well. Again, we won’t know until the year starts if he gets his aid in the classroom for next year, but I hope so. Some goals were met, some are the same and we added some new ones. His speech went from being a profound delay at last years IEP to a mild, age appropriate delay. Whoo Fucking Hoo Mal! Our private speech gal is going to have her work cut out for her to keep him as a client, but I love her and she’s really awesome and I attribute most of his success to her. She said his /r/ sound really, really needs work   I hope she can find a legitimate reason to keep him. He performs well in the speech room, but not as well outside. I think that alone means he should keep it up.

Tuesday night he was supposed to read a story he wrote at Barnes & Noble. I have video. It didn’t go well. He was all ready to read, went up there, and froze. Poor kid. I sat with him, and tried to convince him to read. No go.

Wednesday I got my hair done. My girl went in at 8AM for me! She is a peach. I was done by 10 and we went to Target (aka that vast time suck) and bought a box storage thing for outside for my new seat cushions, a couple of fans and some misc. other things we probably didn’t need at all. Wed afternoon is therapy with all the kids, where they act like animals and irritate the fuck out of me. Then we had dinner with my moms twin brother, his wife and their daughter. We almost never see them (they live in Reno) and my dad is still livid he didn’t bother to come out when mom was dying (and by the time he was going to come out he told him not to bother, there was no time and we’ll see you at the funeral in a few days. Fucker.). I told my Gram not to expect me to rearrange my entire day for family who doesn’t really want to see us again as I had to break a promise to Dorian to make dinner at a reasonable time.

Today I have been working, just dropped Fish off at work, and I am uploading pictures from, well, all of May. I’ll be making a few photo posts later on. It’s going to take all day to upload.

Our fence is complete! They will come out tomorrow or Monday to inspect it. It’s pouring now, so I can’t go enjoy it lol We’re having a party on Sunday, so just in time! I hope it doesn’t rain I think I “scheduled” it in between rain storms lol

Dor has his first sleepover weekend after next, so that’s exciting. We need to go get him some PJs and a gift to take with him.

And I think that’s everything!

I had one of these, that I did myself, about 14 years ago (*gasp!*) and I was so proud of my new idea and how awesome it was (I was 15, everything was my idea and awesome, but that’s beside the point).

It was no where near as awesome as this. Mine was only two holes, and it was kind of a pain in the ass to set up. I pierced it myself, they weren’t even and were a little crooked on top of not being evenly spaced. This bit of love? Amazing. Great job John!

Eshiva just came up to me with a picture of Erin that is in a red heart frame.

She told me “Mommy, this is my love”

I asked if she knew who that was (of course not) and I told her.

She said “I love her, can I put this on the piano?”

I said of course. She’s carrying it around telling everyone she loves her, this is part of my love too. She’s a part of my family.

Malachai is telling her that she (Erin) is dead, and two people in our family are dead.

Eshiva is telling him she isn’t dead, she is a part of our family. T

They are going back and forth. It’s cute.

<3

Eshiva is named for Erin (for those who don’t know). She died in 03, Shivie never knew her (obviously) – I don’t know that Malachai even remembers her.

She just came up to me to tell me Erin is dead, but we love her and she is still a part of our family and we have a picture of her when she was alive.

People are drifting in and out of my life at an alarming rate. I want to just grab them and keep them close. I know it isn’t the natural way of things, so I try to be all right with it. It makes me sad to have people come into my life so prominently and so quickly, and wash away with the same speed.

Our A/C is broken. We’re hoping it just needs freon. My dad bought two window units to get us through the week (our house was reading over 90) so there is one in his room and one is our room. We have ceiling fans and floor fans, but… it’s so hot here.

He mentioned something about the shop the other day. I had to remind him to not talk to me about it. Let me ignore it. He says I can’t ignore it. I think I can.

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Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
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Saw the jack ass, erm, midwife today. Here is a pretty complete list:

Things she told me I already knew:
- the baby is transverse.
- my blood pressure is pretty low (it was something like 104/54 I think)
- my pulse was pretty high (I think she counted it at 96)
- my urine was dark this morning. Um, maybe b/c I had already used the bathroom, drank a half a yogurt drink and no water.
- I am measuring at 31. Which is right where I am. Go figure.
- I’ve gained approx. 15 pounds, maybe 20 depending on how accurate my starting weight was.

Things I didn’t know:

- the baby’s heart rate was about 140, IIRC.

Oh, yah, and I have to take some class (more money) but next appt I need to tell her I can’t, b/c my mom can’t afford it. It’s to cover what happens at home in the event of an emergency vs. in a hospital and some other bullshit (relaxation techniques, how to birth a baby, etc..) I told her I’ve had two kids, women have been doing this for about a million years, it hasn’t changed. So due to money, time and the feeling of she is a fucking rip off, I need to get out of that.

She also wants to do her back up plan next appt. Well, she is my moms back up plan, and I don’t need her. So we’ll see what comes of that.

While I’m there, and right after, I had a feeling of dread. She is stealing something from me. Something I will never be able to get back. Right now, I feel like I did last night, that she is not there for me, she is there for my mom and dad, and I don’t need her, and don’t need to call her. So I just don’t know. I wish I was strong enough to tell my mom to fuck off and I don’t need her. It’s funny. I am strong enough to have this baby by myself, but not strong enough to satisfy my mom I am safe in my strength.

Took the boys to a Chanukah party today with a moms group I recently joined. Great group of ladies. A little more mainstream in many ways than I am, but hey, we can’t all be the same, right? They were very well behaved, a big concern of mine since most of the kids in the group are under 18 months, if not under 9 months. Only a few are older than 2, and only one older than Dorian, who is 7. We had latkes, jelly doughnuts, crackers & cheese, and other foods, and did a toy exchange. Dorian got a tool set, and his face just lit up. He wouldn’t even let the box out of his hands, let alone out of his sight, the rest of the party. They fell asleep within about five minutes of getting into the car to come home. Dor woke up as soon as I took him out of the car asking where his tools were, Chai slept another hour and a half or so.

I am exhausted. I have to pick my love up from work at 9, and hopefully can come home and get in bed!

We got checks in the mail today from my grandparents. I cannot believe what they sent (individually it wasn’t a lot each, but to send it to all four of us seemed excessive, coupled with the fact that they sent the same to my brother & sister, and probably to all the grandchildren, so they spent a small fortune just sending out checks). i asked my mom if she thought they would even cash a check if I sent one back to them, and she suggested taking them out to dinner. Probably wiser, but I know they need that money right now, so I wish they would take a check/cash/whatever. I think tomorrow I will call to say thank you and make plans to go up next Sunday night or Monday, and see if they will let us take them out to dinner. I might see about leaving the boys with my parents so it’s not a *loud* dinner lol

Seven things that scare you:

1. being left alone in public places
2. public bathrooms – ditto
3. my kids getting some weird exotic illness
4. creepy movies (not gory, but creepy)
5. some dreams
6. being co-dependant
7. social situations

Seven things you love (in no order):

1. my kids
2. my husband
3. computers
4. tattoos
5. reading
6. playing
7. me

Seven things you hate:

1. dirt
2. close-minded people
… That kind of encompasses all of it.

Seven things in your room:

1. clothes
2. books
3. tv
4. beds
5. toys
6. shoes
7. a mess that I am tired of picking up every single morning and night.

Seven random facts about you:

1. I am obsessed with organizational storage, but am incredibly un-organized.
2. I love buying make up, but rarely wear it.
3. I hate things that grow green, white or black fuzzy. You know, mold. I don’t even like touching it if it’s *in* something.
4. I’ve worn glasses since 5th grade.
5. My middle name is Randi. It is was cooler than my first name.
6. I have a ton of things I want to do, but I am the laziest thing on two feet, so it never gets done.
7. I am severely socially impaired and unless I know you really well, it shows.

Seven things you plan to do before you die:

1. live on a farm or kibbutz…. even if it’s just for a little while
2. own/co-own a tangible store
3. travel the US with while he works the various conventions
4. get all those rolls of film developed
5. finish my scrapbooks (see above statement)
6. own a home
7. be independently wealthy

Seven things you can do:

1. read upside down/backwards
2. sew, kind of
3. come up with creative ideas
4. make websites, but can’t everyone? I gave up and use GeekLog lol
5. complain. I’m real good at that.
6. read hebrew (can’t translate)
7. cover up the fact I am socially anxious

Seven Things You Can’t Do:

1. fix everything
2. knit
3. play most sports
4. run for any length of time.. you know, more than like 10 paces
5. hear well
6. socialize like a normal person
7. sing. at all. sound like a cow in labour. painful labour. so painful you want to kill the cow.

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:

1. humor
2. tall
3. fun to be with
4. beautiful eyes
5. good to cuddle with
6. intelligence
7. good conversation

Top Seven favorite movies (no particular order):

1. The Nightmare before Christmas
2. American History X
3. Fight Club
4. Gone in 60 Seconds
5. Oh Brother Where Art Thou?
6. The Big Lebowski (sentimental reasons)
7. Heathers

Top Seven things you say the most:

1. right on/rock on
2. um
3. fuck that
4. stop it
5. Malachai Get Down Now
6. Dorian lay down
7. this throaty growl sound that actually kind of hurts but makes me feel better

As a side note, the damn heartburn has started, my air conditioner is fucked and wont cool the apt below 80 again, I do not want the landlord in here to fix it (b/c he lied to me about the dryer and made me feel like it was *my* fault when the dryer itself was not even the issue but the vent to the outside!), mom took Dorian to sleep at her house so she doesn’t have to come here in the morning to pick him up for school, he did not want to go and I feel bad b/c I bribed him with a movie I didn’t want to watch here (Hulk), Malachai pert near ruined (read that as purt-near-runed for the full country hick voice I hear in my head when I type that) his book and I am kind of pissed about that but oh well.

who knows.

she ROX like LOX!
Mandy, 03/16/2003:
Hot Hot Hot.. how else can you
describe this girl. She is everything
everyone wishes they were and nothing
anyone will ever be. She is unique,
kind, brilliant, passionate, and most
of all… shes a great friend.