just because.

anyway, my gramma’s birthday is tomorrow. she is going to be 76. wow. i can only imagine what i will see inside of 76 years. i can only imagine most of what she has seen. i love just listening to her sometimes. fascinating stuff. my zaide too. my super-bubby lived to be 103. she died 2 years before i was born… i think she was reborn through me. gramma says she was a free-spirit *smiles* i wish i had known her, but i feel like i do. does that make sense? anyway…. i hope gram & zaide live so long… i am blessed they are here to see their great-grandchildren, i hope they are here to see more of them. but not from me.

and tomorrow is imbolc. so merry imbolc to all who celebrate it. as usual, we won’t be doing anything. we are kind of boring that way. well, we don’t really have the resources, space, or privacy to celebrate it anyway. that’s how it goes i suppose.

i remember the challenger exploding. i hate to say it, but the first thing that came to mind this morning was “i saw it before….. why watch it now?” not that i am without feeling, but….. how much can you take, you know? fish mentioned the passage of time last night…. it seems like yesterday 9/11 happened, but it feels a lifetime ago as well. funny thing, time is.

my hands and wriss hurt so much again. i have been doing lots of work on PJS. you should go look. and buy something while you are there. you would be supporting a stay at home mama.

my uncle called me earlier about a job. you see, i used to do web design, and graphic design. so this school he went to (here.) wants some work done. i am to call monday and ask for some guy, tell him who i am, and that richard ____ referred me, and ask what i can do to help. my uncle will be paying me. he is on the board for the school. so that is some income. uncle rich always comes to me first if it is something i can do. i did some work for him while i was pregnant with dorian for a guy he was working with. and he had michael doing some demolition work. michael now knows he will never do demolition work again. a good learning experience *grins*

fish starts tattooing on wednesday. notice how i switch back and forth depending on how i think of him? yes, i am funny like that. anyway, that is a day he will always remember. i have remembered it for 21 years. my pe-pa died that day. he was very very sick. he had stomach cancer (which is why everyoone went apeshit when mom was diagnosed with colon cancer, which was totally eradicated, by the way) and when they opened him up to operate, they just closed him back up. there was no point. and so everyone waited for him to die. he held on long enough to see that erin was ok. he should have had 3 months. he lasted 2 years. i barely remember my pe-pa. i remember sitting on his lap, and almost falling off. sometimes i feel like he is watching me.

my friend matt is in the navy. he boarded the uss comfort in baltimore harbour in january. i haven’t heard from him, no call, no letters. i am worried, but i also know he can take care of himself. it’s the governments role in caring for him i worry about. there is a photo of him holding malachai here. i really love matt. we never really spoke through high school, not until we gradutated, really. he loves to tell people about when we met. i was this pissy little girl running around with a mohawk, and he couldn’t believe i dind’t take anyone’s shit, and he had never seen a girl with a ‘hawk before. go me *smiles* anyway, i don’t see him much, but it is always a happy homecoming when i do. he tried to get me to move to new york with him.. he was at ground zero. working inhe morgue. watching pieces of people come in. his brother worked it too….. his brother isn’t doing too well. matt managed hto. he is like me, he always bounces back.

beep beep beep………..

i think that’s it. maybe there is more. if there is, i’ll write later *swirls off*