But my baby turned four. She is right around the corner from not needing me home all day long. She is far from not needing me, I am aware of that. It’s just different with her than it was with the boys.

I know she is the last one. I enjoyed her babyhood more. I wasn’t chasing after a toddler, or missing out on toddler things because I was looking after a baby. I was not looking after someone who was sick and/or dying. I wasn’t moving (ok, we moved a few times) or packing/unpacking for months at a time (we stored the unpacked boxes).

I didn’t do anything for this birthday. We have no friends with young children (indeed, we have no friends) and she isn’t in any programs and therefore had no little friends to invite. My dads mom and sister came over. My moms parents were in Naples – we’re going to go see them next weekend. We had steak and knishes and salad and trifle and cake. We took her out to sushi the next day, because the plumber was here on her actual birthday.

I convinced her she really is four, and today convinced her that her birthday is over, but she is still four. I took some photos (which I haven’t unloaded).

And that was that.

Next year, school? Maybe, maybe not. Apparently VPK is only a 3 hour day through the public school. What a waste of time. I may keep her home. She doesn’t make the cut off for K next year.

The following happened today when I had to go out and grab some groceries for the kids and I. The past couple of months have been a whirlwind for me as most of you know. I ended up giving Kimi a few things and she was happy that she got one of the Gothic Lolita inspired outfits she helped me make/design. I wanted to share this blog with you because it really fucking hit me today… this is going to have an insane impact on so many things. We ALL as parents are going to be affected. Not just those of us that are running businesses. Take some time to read about what is going on with the CPSIA and decide for yourself if you think this law is beneficial. I personally want my kids to always be able to go into libraries, buy handmade goods that are not mass-marketed and appreciate the extra touch of a handmade blanket.

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“Your outfit is absolutely adorable!” I heard a woman say behind me and my daughter replied with, “Thank you! My Mommy has a clothing business!” and I sighed. Sighing is not my usual reaction when I get a compliment for my work. The woman and her sister were very polite and had no idea that they had just brought to surface so many terrible feelings with their compliments, “You made her outfit? It’s amazing! You really have talent and I’ve never seen anything so adorable.” They didn’t have kids but talked about how they almost wished their biological clocks started ticking simply to shop for my line of clothes. I was completely flattered but almost muted because of the recent decision to close up my Immature Couture shop. When they asked where I sold my clothes I didn’t have the energy to explain what was going on so I simply said “Online.” thanked them and went back to grocery shopping with the kids.

I want nothing more than to know that the toys my children play with are safe and will not cause them any harm. I understand the urgency to protect the children of this country from high levels of lead and stop the ridiculous recalls. What I do not understand is why these new regulations were passed with such carelessness that it requires testing for products that have virtually NO risk of lead contamination! Products like clothing, blankets, wooden toys and books! The CPSIA is essentially causing many small businesses that make products for children under the age of twelve to close up shop because of their haste in passing regulations that have an insane amount of loopholes. Congress decided that a problem caused by ridiculous and irresponsible mass-market toymakers should be solved with a solution that sucks in various other industries that are completely unrelated to toys!

Later on when the kids and I were checking out the two women approached me and asked for my business card because they wanted to tell their friends about my clothing line. I smiled and tried to explain to them as plainly as possible that as of February 10th I would be officially closing up shop because of the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act . Shockingly they were outraged that they hadn’t heard of it. That they felt their rights as consumers were being taken away. That the deadline is so close and there isn’t a media outrage over it. That more small businesses are being shut down and allowing the big companies to triumph. We exchanged information, I gave them my card and they said they would be writing whoever they needed to and be in contact with me. They weren’t business owners who are effected by this nor were they parents but they were as equally outraged as most of us that have to close our shops.

The apathy that I have seen from the general public and even those that own small businesses and are not effected by the new regulations have saddened me until I spoke with these two women. They were absolutely right! This does not just hurt my business. This hurts everyone no matter if they have children or not. No matter if they have a business selling products to children under twelve or selling something that, thankfully for them, does not have to be burdened with the CPSIA. Why don’t more people care?

I loaded up the kids, put my groceries in the trunk and at that moment it finally hit me. Something I started as a side business for extra cash in hand and as a creative outlet was taken from me. Just when my business started to take off it was ripped from my hands, discarded and no real explanation for it. I sell clothes. Not jewelry. Not toys. Not anything that has been manufactured overseas or injected with lead. I design, cut, iron, serge, stitch and package every item of clothing myself. To comply with these regulations each product I made would have to be tested which means each individual component of the garment would have to be tested for lead. A 15$ onesie now costs 400$ to make simply because of the testing fees! I put sleepless nights into marketing plans, helping Etsy teams and writing blogs to help the handmade market. There is no reason for so many of us to be swept out of the way because some major corporations wanted to cut their overhead costs and put MY children in danger. I stood there and cried in the parking lot. There is no reason why so many handmade artists look away at the pain so many of us are going through simply because they are not in the same boat.

Do something. The children in this country need to be protected but by regulations that target only the products that can cause potential harm. If you don’t do it for yourself and your business, or your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews or friend’s kids then do it for the sake of what’s right and stop being silent and a doormat in our society.

http://www.change.org/ideas/view/save_handmade_toys_from_the_cpsia

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/economicimpactsofCPSIA/index.html

http://nationalbankruptcyday.com/

http://www.handmadetoyalliance.org/

Well, we had been needing to go in for that, because the asshole dentist we went to last year said unless he is in pain, they wont do anything about baby teeth anyway. Wrong, guess again.

So his first tooth fell out a while ago, and I started a search for a dentist who a) takes our insurance and b) sees children.

I finally called the ins this morning and they found one who would see him (everyone I phoned either said under 5 or over 10) so we have an appointment for next Monday. One of his lower baby teeth is loose, but not out, and the adult tooth is coming in very crooked and very behind it. We’re going to have that taken care of it (the tooth in question is loose but not loose enough to come out easily) and let them take a look-see at the rest of his mouth and maybe make an appointment. The next check up appt wasn’t available until the end of May, but because of that tooth they got him in. I was just going to make an appt for the end of May for him as well, however they told me over the phone to just see what the doc has to say and maybe we’ll be going again a little bit sooner.

Yay!! Dorian got his dads teeth, in other words, weak and crumbly, thank goodness we are getting it taken care of and thank goodness the other two kids got my strong horseteeth lol

Saw the jack ass, erm, midwife today. Here is a pretty complete list:

Things she told me I already knew:
- the baby is transverse.
- my blood pressure is pretty low (it was something like 104/54 I think)
- my pulse was pretty high (I think she counted it at 96)
- my urine was dark this morning. Um, maybe b/c I had already used the bathroom, drank a half a yogurt drink and no water.
- I am measuring at 31. Which is right where I am. Go figure.
- I’ve gained approx. 15 pounds, maybe 20 depending on how accurate my starting weight was.

Things I didn’t know:

- the baby’s heart rate was about 140, IIRC.

Oh, yah, and I have to take some class (more money) but next appt I need to tell her I can’t, b/c my mom can’t afford it. It’s to cover what happens at home in the event of an emergency vs. in a hospital and some other bullshit (relaxation techniques, how to birth a baby, etc..) I told her I’ve had two kids, women have been doing this for about a million years, it hasn’t changed. So due to money, time and the feeling of she is a fucking rip off, I need to get out of that.

She also wants to do her back up plan next appt. Well, she is my moms back up plan, and I don’t need her. So we’ll see what comes of that.

While I’m there, and right after, I had a feeling of dread. She is stealing something from me. Something I will never be able to get back. Right now, I feel like I did last night, that she is not there for me, she is there for my mom and dad, and I don’t need her, and don’t need to call her. So I just don’t know. I wish I was strong enough to tell my mom to fuck off and I don’t need her. It’s funny. I am strong enough to have this baby by myself, but not strong enough to satisfy my mom I am safe in my strength.

Took the boys to a Chanukah party today with a moms group I recently joined. Great group of ladies. A little more mainstream in many ways than I am, but hey, we can’t all be the same, right? They were very well behaved, a big concern of mine since most of the kids in the group are under 18 months, if not under 9 months. Only a few are older than 2, and only one older than Dorian, who is 7. We had latkes, jelly doughnuts, crackers & cheese, and other foods, and did a toy exchange. Dorian got a tool set, and his face just lit up. He wouldn’t even let the box out of his hands, let alone out of his sight, the rest of the party. They fell asleep within about five minutes of getting into the car to come home. Dor woke up as soon as I took him out of the car asking where his tools were, Chai slept another hour and a half or so.

I am exhausted. I have to pick my love up from work at 9, and hopefully can come home and get in bed!

We got checks in the mail today from my grandparents. I cannot believe what they sent (individually it wasn’t a lot each, but to send it to all four of us seemed excessive, coupled with the fact that they sent the same to my brother & sister, and probably to all the grandchildren, so they spent a small fortune just sending out checks). i asked my mom if she thought they would even cash a check if I sent one back to them, and she suggested taking them out to dinner. Probably wiser, but I know they need that money right now, so I wish they would take a check/cash/whatever. I think tomorrow I will call to say thank you and make plans to go up next Sunday night or Monday, and see if they will let us take them out to dinner. I might see about leaving the boys with my parents so it’s not a *loud* dinner lol

Oh, and apparentely it looks nasty enough they wnt to see him back in three weeks to make sure it’s cleared up. I don’t remember if I mentioned it, but we did put tea tree in it yesterday, which couldn’t hurt him any, but given how advanced i sounded, it wouldn’t have helped either.

So my wonderfully healthy children both manage to get nasty sick within a few months of one of them starting school. To quote a favourite line of mine, “There’s a big surprise. I think I am going to have a heart attack and die of not surprise.” Even more amusing, none of the kids in his class have been out sick, so someone is using school as daycare. I hate that. I have kept him home because he is a little sniffly so it doesn’t get passed around, I expect other parents to have the same sense of responsibility of not spreading illness.

We woke up this morning, took D to school, had our meeting with the teachers, went to vote, picked up my moms bag she forgot, and then went to breakfast. We were home by about 11. I was afraid the voting place would be packed, but we found a parking space quickly (quickly as in as soon as we got there) and walked in and voted and left. This was my first election voting. I could have voted last election, but I wasn’t registered to vote.

The meeting with D’s teachers was fine. He is still doing “parallel” play, which means he isn’t playing *with* the other kids, but *next* to them. I have no issue with this personally. He told me last week I should tell Miss Ellen he wants to play by himself, so it was also something I was already aware of. They also want me to call and have him evaluated for speech therapy (I know, I should have called last month when they originally brought it up) but it is such a pain. Not the evaluation, but the fact that if he does need it, I have no way to get him to school. The ST would be at the local elementary school, which is around the corner. I don’t want to walk it, but I could if I had to. Then how do I get him to school once it’s done? Couple that with the fact that I can’t understand any four year old who I meet and I don’t think he is out of the ordinary. I know some children who speak especially well before age 4, but I know far more who don’t. He still has issues identifying some numbers, but he has taken to asking what time it is almost every half hour, so I’ve been pointing out numbers on the analogue clock, so that shouldn’t be an issue soon enough. Some letters he has issues with, again, no big deal. Oh, and apparently a lot of the kids in his class have issues counting past about 14. He does all right once he gets to 14 and then again past 17 or so lol They said he didn’t get the 1:1 thing (she said “give me 20 bears and he handed her a pile of them, didn’t count them out… had she said count 20 bears me for I bet he would have though).

So he is right where he should be in everything as far as I’m concerned, a head in a few things, behind in a few I guess, but all in all, about where he needs to be.

Bush Scored Landslide Victory

The tone at the Hebrew Academy is definitely leaning towards a Republican victory in November. Just for fun we added a straw poll to the Student Council ballot and asked out students in grades 4 – 8 to choose their favorite candidate for US president. In a landslide victory, George W. Bush captured 86% of the vote.

I’d say that is why children in grades 4 – 8 are not allowed to vote, but hey, he managed to buy the election 4 years ago, so it obviously doesn’t matter who votes. Just who has the most money. Welcome to capitalist society.

Is there anything I can do to ease *his* fears? In my mind, they are most certainly justified. He just buried his 21 year old daughter last year because of problems after the birth. he birth itself was uneventful. Mom says she was the easiest to get out *laughs* Simply spouting off stats and saying it is safer and showing proof isn’t going to do it. Explaining to him that his daughter would be alive and healthy now had they left the cord alone is a moot point. I don’t want to dredge up the past, and point out what is [painfully] obvious to me.

I will be living with them again once it is time for the child to be born. I wont lie. I cannot afford even a midwife (which he would be happy with, who I could conveniently not call until after) let alone to go see my CNM who I used with my two previous pregnancies.

I pointed out the obvious, that I feel so much better so far in this pregnancy than I did in the other two. A weight is lifted off of me, and my body knows it. He said yes, he sees I feel better, but as I said, his concern is for after the birth.

He has three other healthy children, two of them born after my sister. He knows that the chances of something happening are slim, but it’s like with most things, if the one death or accident is your child, it is one child too many.

I don’t think I have this fear, but I certainly don’t want it projected onto me. I think I overcame it after my first son, after we both almost died. After that, I kind of felt like nothing could be that bad and anything can be dealt with. I certainly know how to resuscitate an infant (my sister didn’t breathe for 7 minutes following the birth).

I guess for what it’s worth… I don’t know if my mom is particularly supportive, but she isn’t being pushy. She figures it how I do, the hospital is around the corner if I need it.

I am not posting to start a debate on home birth vs. hospital or attended vs. unattended. I don’t care about the debate. I know I am perfectly safe. I just wish I could ease my father’s mind and show him the same thing. The last thing I need him worrying about is that I haven’t seen a doctor (you know, because I should see one because I’m not sick) and that the babe willbe like Erin to one degree or another. I know that is his biggest worry. And I want to make it go away because I don’ want to hurt him.

It pisses me off.

And for the record, I get my period, and my children know they each have a penis. They also know I have vagina and that is why they are boys and I am a girl.

Can you believe I mistyped vagina as vgina, and spell check did not list vagina as a replacement?

I, begrudgingly, decided to start my almost 4 year old in school this coming year. It is only two days a week (sadly, one of those days is my husbands only day off of work) and he will actually be in the three year old class because starting at four it is five days a week only.

My biggest problems are a) getting the stupid vaccine exemption form (which I am not even sure if they will take, but I have gotten the run around from the health department for weeks now just trying to get it) and on the required “supplies” list is clorox wipes and baby wipes and anti-bac soap.
First of all, I don’t use clorox anything in my home, and I don’t really want my son exposed to these what in my mind is all day every day. Maybe my mind is exaggerating it, but they want every child to bring in a box of these, therefore they use them often.

Second, we don’t use disposable wipes. I keep a pack in the car, for emergencies, but to tell you how often we use them, I have a 20 pack that has been in there for six months now. When we do use them, they are scent and alcohol free. This is a Jewish day school, most of the parents aren’t rolling in money, and I have fears they will get the cheapest, scented, alcohol laden wipes they can find.

Third, anti-bac soap. I get that kids get sick at school. I get that anti bac soap can help prevent that somewhat (along with those nasty clorox wipes). We don’t use anti bac at home. I think if they are exposed to the germies (and I am germ phobic, so this was a breakthrough for me) that the immune system will work way better than if they aren’t exposed to them at all. I do have an anti-bac foamer that uses tea tree, but we’ve never used it here, and I don’t think that is what they want. They want like, soft soap brand.

Oh, and nap time. I have to buy a nap mat too. My son does not nap. He hasn’t napped since he was two. Every age up through five needs a nap mat for nap time.

I really don’t want to send him now, and my mom thinks I am making a mountain out of a molehill, and keeps telling me I cannot change the world and I can’t keep him home forever and I have to send him to school eventually, etc… Well, I don’t think any of those things, and I was planning on homeschooling.

The only plus side to this I have now is that I am pregnant, and a day with just my two year old would be awesome for both of us, especially before the new baby comes.

Am I making a big deal out of nothing??