10AM:
No insurance. No medicaid. Apparently we have qualify *every* month under the income limit, not on average. Sucks for us, esp months where they are 3 pay periods (like Nov)

So Hi, My name is Jenn. I have three dependent children. I cannot afford a house, a second car (or the one we have now), health insurance, doctors appointments and food on some months. We live with my dad, who pays housing and utils and about 80% of the food.

I can’t even justify a job if only for ins. because a second car, insurance, gas, before & after care for the boys plus daycare for Eshiva completely negates and would eat into our current money, leaving us with less than we started with.

Oh, and the guy at SSA said the lawyer was wrong, we do not all qualify for medicaid anyway, only Malachai would. So I need to find a goddamn lawyer to explain this to me and possibly help us get help.

But if I popped out some more kids we would qualify. I now understand the plight of the inner city welfare mamas. The government does not want to help, they want to keep you down and keep you jumping when they fire at your feet.

1PM:
Well, here is my silver lining: : My dad is going to pay for our healthcare if we can keep it under about 500 a month.

I came home in tears today. I was in tears in the car on the way home. I feel like a huge failure. I know I bust my ass around here. I keep home for two families. I more than earn our keep, but it is still a depressing fact that if we were not in the position we happen to be in, we’d be on the streets or in a much less than desirable neighborhood. However, on the flip side, my dad and brother and sister would have gone nuts long ago without someone to run the house, so there you go. We have a great symbiotic relationship going on here.

So he bought me sushi for lunch (OK, he wanted sushi for lunch and bought enough for both of us, I had made grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch) and talked and I pretty much just need to get the info together and make sure it’s really worth it (if we spend less than the yearly cost of the ins in heath care, it’s stupid to buy the health care) and make sure Malachai doesn’t count as a “pre-existing” condition and we’ll call and sign up if it’s all good. We also discussed Michael’s teeth (b/c we probably wont be getting dental, it doesn’t look like it’s worth it at all, whereas our dentist has an “in house” plan that for 215 we both get X amount of freebies plus a 50+% discount) and getting that plan and having his mouth fixed.

The ins. we’re looking at covers our current ped and the doc I go to when I think I’m gonna die (which isn’t all that often, but it means I can get a check up and whatnot). I didn’t check the neuro but I don’t really care. Knock on wood, but a new neuro can’t be worse than our current one if we can’t keep the current.

So my head is killing me (I am not a crier and it just gives me a headache – a bad one) and I am depressed but I am not beaten. I hate being a burden on my dad, but when I step back, I don’t really think we are. When I look at it from anything but a USA perspective, I know we are not. This is what family is for, and this is primarily why we moved back into the house (to help take care of them) and I am thankful every day that my husband stands behind my need to do that 100%