What is July 25?

My sister died on July 25, 2003.

So it’s been seven years. And this year was it. I didn’t post about it. Well, I’m posting about it now, after the fact, because it didn’t occur to me to post about it then.

An internet acquaintance of mine recently lost her sister and I wanted so badly to tell her that no matter how awful it it now, it won’t be forever. I didn’t, because it wasn’t what she wanted or needed to hear. I told her I know it’s awful, and nothing I could say could make it better, and that was the simple truth and the best thing I had to say.

Apparently seven years is the magic “not forever” number. Who knew?

It might help that I don’t have anything else to associate the date with. September 16 will never come and go. It’s a scant two days after my eldest son’s birthday. She held on long enough to see him turn six, and that was that. Maybe it will come and go? Maybe it’s just still too soon, too fresh. I still can’t think of her without wanting to cry, my eyes stinging and tearing up. Maybe in 2013 September 16 will come and go and just be another day of celebration in Dorian’s Birthday-Week.

Im on my phone so this took forever and i didnt really elaborate. Suffice to say, i think the opportunity to swap gender at will, easily with no negative surgical repercussions, would be amazing.

Let’s go back to the beginning. I started all but one of my current plants from seed. I didn’t expect it to work, it never had before. Lo and behold, I made plants! Well, I can grow a baby, so of course I can grow a plant. Shhh, it’s actually easier to grow a baby!

Let’s also skip my early attempts. I planted in paper Dixie cups, figuring once I had a great rootball I could put the cups in my compost bin (which I’ve had for a couple of years now). I got two full cycles out of those cups, and they did make it into my bin, but newspaper cups? Way easier. I promise.

First, gather your supplies. You’ll need an empty soda or juice can (or a juice cup about the same size, the key here is for it to be a perfect cylinder, not angled!), some old newspaper, planting soil*, seeds, and a low-sided box OR a low-sided plastic bin (see photos), both large enough to hold however may pots you are making.

*A note on your soil: if it feels too heavy for the size of the bag, it’s probably top soil and not good for planting. If it feels light, too light for the size of the bag, it’s probably perfect.

Step 1: separate your newspaper. Each full page will make two pots. Fold your full page in half, to make a half page, then fold it in half again to make a quarter page, then fold it in half again to make an eighth page. Now rip your paper down that last fold so you have two pieces. Do this until you have enough pieces for however many pots you want to make. I find it kind of tedious and usually only make 10 or 12 at a time.

Step 2: Now that you have all your pieces ready, stack them out of the way (weight them down if you do this outside!) and grab one and your can (or cup – I’ll be referring to your can from here on in… the one if your hand, not the not the one attached above your legs) and roll it up like in the photos below.

The paper should have about two inches hanging off the end of the can.

Steps 3, 4 & 5: On the side with the overlap first, bend in the bottom of the paper. See photos below. Then do this twice more (you can maybe get four folds, but three seems to be adequate) and there is your basic paper pot.

Step 6: Before you put the pot down, fill it with dirt! The dirt is what keeps it together, so if you set it down before filling it, it will pop open and you will have to repeat the last three minutes or so of your life.

Don’t pack the dirt in, but lightly pack it, like sifted flour or unpacked brown sugar. Lightly tap it down so it is dense enough to stay in but loose enough to allow sprouts out.

Step 7: Here comes the plastic or cardboard box. Put your paper pot in the box. This helps keep them contained for planting and watering, and when it is time to transfer your plants, it lets you carry thrum around easily. See, we’re thinking ahead!

Step 8: Using your pointer finger and poke a hole in your lightly packed soil up to the first knuckle. Most plants are good at this depth, but if your seed packet says otherwise, make a deeper or shallower hole. Do this in each of your pots.

Step 9: Sow your seed. No, not like a man, spraying it everywhere. Depending on what you are growing, drop 3 – 5 seeds into each hole (really though… I plant 4 – 6 bean seeds per hole, everything else I pour in and hope it isn’t too much, we’ll thin our seedlings later anyway) and then cave in the surrounding soil on top of your seeds. Feel free to get more soil from your bag to cover it if desired. Water lightly and walk away!

It can’t get any easier. Make sure your new plants are protected from rain and wind. I keep mine on my front porch, which is covered, and against the inside wall. South Florida torrential downpours still make their way in, but not enough to flood the seeds or ruin the pots. I made the mistake of leaving seedlings out back and the downpour one day ruined four packets of seedlings.

If you purchased the plastic bins, you can use the lids and make a mini hot house inside under a window.

Now, just water this daily (or as needed, the soil should be moist, not soaking wet) for 4 – 8 weeks and you’ll have plants ready to be put in the ground, no de-potting required! The newspaper pots will compost naturally in the ground.

Jenn is a stay at home mom in South Florida. By day she kisses boo-boos and bakes cakes, by night she is a writer, entrepreneur, lover and all around goddess. You can contact her at jenn@quirkymom.com if you have lots of money to throw at her for looking pretty or any other reason.

Came home, cleaned the kitchen, ranted for a bit. Michael left for work and dad went with me to Whole Foods and Home Depot. Picked up probiotics for Malachai . I’m a little worried about his gastro-issues. He is always gassy (seriously foul gas) and only has a BM every other/every third day. He isn’t in pain though. It’s probably his dairy and carb intake, but… the boy lives on dairy and carbs. Autism and GI problems go hand in hand. Mal only sees his normal ped. We don’t go to the neuro anymore, never had a developmental ped, no gi docs. We see the nutritionist once a year, but she is mostly there to make sure he gets a varied and complete diet and isn’t deficient somewhere. So here’s hoping the probiotics work! I also picked up some digestive tea for my dad, which I hope he uses.

After WF we went to Home Depot and ogled fridges. Remember last month when we had to empty and defrost the fridge? It did it again. I give up. We got this bit of love. They didn’t have the one I had chosen in stock, so they marked this one down to the lower price. Yay! It’s still about 600$ more than I had planned on spending. Boo It was also 10% off plus we’ll get 20% back from the state for buying an EnergyStar rated fridge. Yay again! It wont get delivered until May 1, so thankfully we have the fridge in the garage to move the dairy & meat to. I don’t think we lost too much. It’s inconvenient, but it could be worse.

Also picked up some sod to cover a bare spot in the front yard and bought a tangelo (honeybell!) tree (impulse buy). Got home and Michael vacuumed out my car (the sod made a huge mess) and dad and I cleaned out the front yard area. I planted Eshiva’s shrub after that. I’ll need Michael to help me dig some holes for the trees.

Um…. dinner time? We need to clean some more. The party is tomorrow. The boys are excited! Me too

but first, let me remember this, since FB doesn’t exactly archive my status updates lol

sometimes I hear some one banging around downstairs and I still think it’s my mom banging in the ceiling in the garage to come have a smoke with her. She’d also sing “knock two times on the ceiling if you want me, ttwice on the pipes if the answer is no” once I got down there. Silly memories.

Five hours ago:

Just bought 6x40lb of top soil and compost. Have one bag at home plus equiv of 3 bags in various pots. My garden is coming together

Four hours ago:

weeding… quickest way to weed without chemicals or fire? Yah, I can’t find one either. I want one of those mantis tiller things! I’ll be outside in the scorching sun with a hand rake. Ugh.And my gloves? They were either sized wrong, or there is a HUGE difference between med & large, b/c med is tight and actually kind… of hurts and lg is freaking huge and useless.

Right now:

The box is put together (finished around 2PM). We used 6 1″x4″x8′ – three of them cut in half and a piece of scrap wood from the trash bin at Home Depot for the corner braces. Michael did most of this work. I hadn’t planned on him doing it, but he got to be a man today and play with power tools, something we rarely do. My box is only three sided, as the fourth long side is the side of the house. Mistake? I hope not!

After the box was built I weeded about 1/6 of it (hence the weeding FB status) and then Michael did a little more than I did but on the other side. Then he went to Lowes and bought a hand tiller and finished it in about 20 minutes.

I laid newspaper to block the weeds from regrowing. Filled it with my 7 bags of compost & soil… Michael is picking up about 6 more bags of top soil for me after Dorian’s guitar lesson.

I already moved four pumpkin plants, should have waited though. Waiting on the rest of the soil to move everything else.

So, that was my day!

We also have an orange seed that’s sprouted, but it’s about two inches tall right now and would snap in a strong breeze lol

Dorian in front of our soon-to-be bounty of tomatoes, peppers, watermelon and orange honeydew. The empty pot in back has tomato seeds in it (the pot in front of it is a started tomato plant) and the reddish pot has cilantro seeds in it)

It’s me! I am not half a ton, I look it in this photo though Hey, I’m working on it!

repurposed starter cups Lots of beans (18 cups!) The other tray has cilantro, parsley and basil.

By the time my oldest was not quite 3 and my middle was not quite 1 they had been through an extended illness, death and funeral. I cuddled and comforted my father, while my mother cuddled and was comforted by my children. I breastfed by the graveside so my baby would keep quiet during the services. My toddler said Aunt Erin is in the ground now. We wept, and I was strong and I have always shown photos of Aunt Erin and said who she is and reminded them to not forget… introduced them for they will never meet.

By the time oldest was just past 6 and my middle was just past 4 and my baby was barely 18 months we had dealt with another long illness, another death, another funeral. This time I breastfed, and had another child hiding under my skirt and another comforted my father. We wept again, and I was strong again, and I have to remind my children I had a mommy and who she was because they are kids and they forget.I have to remind them I had another sister too, they had a Grandma and an Aunt and all we have left are pictures and memories to share, and those memories pop up at the strangest of times.

I’m watching my grandma and zaide get old now. I’ve never dealt with aging death. Death that creeps in from all sides, slowly and stealthily. I can’t say it’s any better than death from illness… which I suppose in itself if slow and stealthy, just a different kind. How will I explain that to them? Will I even have to?

I am always interested in how people choose to introduce this to their kids – I think they can handle it better than we think they can. I think they get it, and I think at some point they will worry about us disappearing regardless of whether it’s at age two or four or ten or thirty. I know I can handle death in my twenties… how about in my fifties? It’s a new experience every time.

Before I get to that, I want to say, I don’t proclaim my sexual orientation. Why not? It’s none of your business, that’s why not. I support anyone who wants to shout from the rooftops they are hetero, homo, poly, pan, trans, or anything I may have missed. I support their desire and their right. It’s just not for me.

I’m not on the market. I’m not playing the field. I’m not looking for a booty call, nor do I have the desire to be someone else’s booty call.

So it’s moot.

Someone mentioned that they support gay rights, have gay friends, but do not want their child around gay people because they might influence them to be gay. I’ll wait while you read that again. Slowly. All done? OK then. On the other side of the fence, we have a bundle of riled up ladies who identify as lesbian or bisexual, or have family members who identify as homosexual and are offended by said persons comment because hey, it could be their home that person keeps their kids from coming to because they could be a bad influence. Yes, tell a bunch of mothers you don’t want your child near them because they are bad people.

It’s actually been handled very well, and wasn’t a huge, heated discussion. I simply had this to say, about 25 posts in:

I really want to applaud our mamas for seeing this is a matter of opinion and not a matter of shoving ones opinion down ones throat as fact.

Personally, my kids already know (to some degree) about all sorts of relationships because they’ve been exposed to them. Whether they acknowledge consciously yet or not, they know about it, and I think it’s a good foundation.

Of course, my son likes to put on Shivies dress up clothes and play with her, who am I to stop them? It isn’t hurting anyone, and it makes for some cute, if not shared, photos. Not shared because not everyone thinks it’s innocuous, and that’s fine too.

Yep, my son likes to dress up right along side his sister. Usually in a pink tutu. I really don’t care. I think it’s sweet that he doesn’t have societies morals being pushed on him and is free to express himself.

I’m veering off-course here. Back to the subject at hand. I don’t share my sexual orientation anymore. I said why. Maybe if I was looking for someone I would be sharing it, but the people who need to know, do, and the people who don’t need to know, don’t. It doesn’t impact my relationships one way or the other.

If I said I was a lesbian or bisexual or poly or pan, that wouldn’t mean everyone I look at I see as a conquest or future partner or possible partner any more than if I say I’m straight. I have some female friends who are gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean I am looking at them like a plaything. It means I am looking at them as a person, a beautiful one. Same for my male friends. I have one male aquaintance who for years I’ve enjoyed looking at. That doesn’t mean I am gonna proposition him.

So why make a big deal out of gay, straight or in the middle? Just because you stick a label on it, doesn’t mean it’s all about sex. It’s about love, and companionship and sharing something with someone that you are so close and connected to, no one else will ever fit the hole they leave when they are gone. Sex might fit in there, but it’s not the be all end all.

Apparently Sara is having a fit over moms rings again. She was storing them in a freaking gift egg (like the thing you get when you put a quarter in a machine and turn the handle, I don’t know what they are called, it’s a plastic eggy thing) and Shiva was playing with it, so I took her rings and gave them to dad. I just don’t know how many more times I can say “I don’t want the rings, I just want them in a safe place until she is old enough to properly care for them.” They are opals. You know, one of the most easily broken stones out there. One of those rings is coming up on 40 years old, and it was in the care of a 15 year old who put it in a fucking toy egg thing. Genious. So now dad has them. I offered to put them in one of our jewelry boxes, but heaven forbid. I explained to dad that mom was never into jewelry, it doesn’t remind me of her, and I don’t need it. He gets it. Sara, not so much. He said it is different to lose your mom at her age than at mine. I said there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t need her here for something, and that is something I never realized until I didn’t have it. I know what he was saying, but it makes me so sad she is focusing it all on a ring that mom didn’t give two shits about whether it was on or not or whatever.

I had the worst headache yesterday. I don’t get headaches, and this just threw me for a loop. I still have it, but it’s not quite as bad. It had me in tears for a minute yesterday.

We took Malachai to the psychologist yesterday. We (Michael and I) are going back next Monday to do a parental interview… thing about him. After that is complete he will begin a series of visits to complete a test (I can’t remember what it is called). The test is about six hours long, and will be broken up into 45 minute sessions. At 30$ an hour (our co-pay, which is nicer than full price for an hour, but we’re looking at at least six more co-pays) I hope this is the route we should be on. I was in there for about an hour explaining our concerns (Dorian and Eshiva never would have sat, I had Michael take them to the park) and whatnot. She did not say “he’s just four, go home” so I think we’re in the right place.

I am kind of scared of what the answer is going to be. I didn’t vaccinate because the garbage in them, what damage it can do, to me outweighed the good. What if he comes back with something anyway (autism springs to mind first here, which is why I mention the vaccines). I am anal about food, where they play, what they play with, etc…  I just want to yell that I did everything “right” and my other two kids are spot on, so what did I do to damage this one. I know in my head it doesn’t work that way, we don’t really need to have that discussion. It’s like asking what mom did to make Erin sick. Well, Erin didn’t breathe, it was her own damn fault [insert chuckle here]. It’s the same thing. It isn’t anyone’s fault. I am not angry. I’m not thrilled. I just want to find out exactly what is going on, so we can move on with our lives.

Fabulous mock news story on vaccines and their ingredients.