This was my day
So, we did this today: Tomorrows Project so long as the $$ holds out – How to Build a Raised Garden Bed – The Home Depot – Garden Club http://shar.es/mo5yu I love when I make plans and they happen!
but first, let me remember this, since FB doesn’t exactly archive my status updates lol
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So…
In my flitting about the internet I wound up in this blog (not that post, but I wound up in that post) and it got me to thinking…
By the time my oldest was not quite 3 and my middle was not quite 1 they had been through an extended illness, death and funeral. I cuddled and comforted my father, while my mother cuddled and was comforted by my children. I breastfed by the graveside so my baby would keep quiet during the services. My toddler said Aunt Erin is in the ground now. We wept, and I was strong and I have always shown photos of Aunt Erin and said who she is and reminded them to not forget… introduced them for they will never meet.
By the time oldest was just past 6 and my middle was just past 4 and my baby was barely 18 months we had dealt with another long illness, another death, another funeral. This time I breastfed, and had another child hiding under my skirt and another comforted my father. We wept again, and I was strong again, and I have to remind my children I had a mommy and who she was because they are kids and they forget.I have to remind them I had another sister too, they had a Grandma and an Aunt and all we have left are pictures and memories to share, and those memories pop up at the strangest of times.
I’m watching my grandma and zaide get old now. I’ve never dealt with aging death. Death that creeps in from all sides, slowly and stealthily. I can’t say it’s any better than death from illness… which I suppose in itself if slow and stealthy, just a different kind. How will I explain that to them? Will I even have to?
I am always interested in how people choose to introduce this to their kids – I think they can handle it better than we think they can. I think they get it, and I think at some point they will worry about us disappearing regardless of whether it’s at age two or four or ten or thirty. I know I can handle death in my twenties… how about in my fifties? It’s a new experience every time.
Read MoreSexual Orientation
There’s a discussion going on over at Punky Moms right now about Dumbledore and his gayness. Hmmmm… recipe for disaster or innocuous discussion?
Before I get to that, I want to say, I don’t proclaim my sexual orientation. Why not? It’s none of your business, that’s why not. I support anyone who wants to shout from the rooftops they are hetero, homo, poly, pan, trans, or anything I may have missed. I support their desire and their right. It’s just not for me.
I’m not on the market. I’m not playing the field. I’m not looking for a booty call, nor do I have the desire to be someone else’s booty call.
So it’s moot.
Someone mentioned that they support gay rights, have gay friends, but do not want their child around gay people because they might influence them to be gay. I’ll wait while you read that again. Slowly. All done? OK then. On the other side of the fence, we have a bundle of riled up ladies who identify as lesbian or bisexual, or have family members who identify as homosexual and are offended by said persons comment because hey, it could be their home that person keeps their kids from coming to because they could be a bad influence. Yes, tell a bunch of mothers you don’t want your child near them because they are bad people.
It’s actually been handled very well, and wasn’t a huge, heated discussion. I simply had this to say, about 25 posts in:
I really want to applaud our mamas for seeing this is a matter of opinion and not a matter of shoving ones opinion down ones throat as fact.
Personally, my kids already know (to some degree) about all sorts of relationships because they’ve been exposed to them. Whether they acknowledge consciously yet or not, they know about it, and I think it’s a good foundation.
Of course, my son likes to put on Shivies dress up clothes and play with her, who am I to stop them? It isn’t hurting anyone, and it makes for some cute, if not shared, photos. Not shared because not everyone thinks it’s innocuous, and that’s fine too.
Yep, my son likes to dress up right along side his sister. Usually in a pink tutu. I really don’t care. I think it’s sweet that he doesn’t have societies morals being pushed on him and is free to express himself.
I’m veering off-course here. Back to the subject at hand. I don’t share my sexual orientation anymore. I said why. Maybe if I was looking for someone I would be sharing it, but the people who need to know, do, and the people who don’t need to know, don’t. It doesn’t impact my relationships one way or the other.
If I said I was a lesbian or bisexual or poly or pan, that wouldn’t mean everyone I look at I see as a conquest or future partner or possible partner any more than if I say I’m straight. I have some female friends who are gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean I am looking at them like a plaything. It means I am looking at them as a person, a beautiful one. Same for my male friends. I have one male aquaintance who for years I’ve enjoyed looking at. That doesn’t mean I am gonna proposition him.
So why make a big deal out of gay, straight or in the middle? Just because you stick a label on it, doesn’t mean it’s all about sex. It’s about love, and companionship and sharing something with someone that you are so close and connected to, no one else will ever fit the hole they leave when they are gone. Sex might fit in there, but it’s not the be all end all.
Read MoreNot sad, just kind of blue
I’ve been in a funk the past couple of days. I don’t really want to do anything. I am doing my work, I have to, but it’s not a pleasurable as it usually is. I have things to catch up on with Punky Moms too.
Apparently Sara is having a fit over moms rings again. She was storing them in a freaking gift egg (like the thing you get when you put a quarter in a machine and turn the handle, I don’t know what they are called, it’s a plastic eggy thing) and Shiva was playing with it, so I took her rings and gave them to dad. I just don’t know how many more times I can say “I don’t want the rings, I just want them in a safe place until she is old enough to properly care for them.” They are opals. You know, one of the most easily broken stones out there. One of those rings is coming up on 40 years old, and it was in the care of a 15 year old who put it in a fucking toy egg thing. Genious. So now dad has them. I offered to put them in one of our jewelry boxes, but heaven forbid. I explained to dad that mom was never into jewelry, it doesn’t remind me of her, and I don’t need it. He gets it. Sara, not so much. He said it is different to lose your mom at her age than at mine. I said there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t need her here for something, and that is something I never realized until I didn’t have it. I know what he was saying, but it makes me so sad she is focusing it all on a ring that mom didn’t give two shits about whether it was on or not or whatever.
I had the worst headache yesterday. I don’t get headaches, and this just threw me for a loop. I still have it, but it’s not quite as bad. It had me in tears for a minute yesterday.
We took Malachai to the psychologist yesterday. We (Michael and I) are going back next Monday to do a parental interview… thing about him. After that is complete he will begin a series of visits to complete a test (I can’t remember what it is called). The test is about six hours long, and will be broken up into 45 minute sessions. At 30$ an hour (our co-pay, which is nicer than full price for an hour, but we’re looking at at least six more co-pays) I hope this is the route we should be on. I was in there for about an hour explaining our concerns (Dorian and Eshiva never would have sat, I had Michael take them to the park) and whatnot. She did not say “he’s just four, go home” so I think we’re in the right place.
I am kind of scared of what the answer is going to be. I didn’t vaccinate because the garbage in them, what damage it can do, to me outweighed the good. What if he comes back with something anyway (autism springs to mind first here, which is why I mention the vaccines). I am anal about food, where they play, what they play with, etc… I just want to yell that I did everything “right” and my other two kids are spot on, so what did I do to damage this one. I know in my head it doesn’t work that way, we don’t really need to have that discussion. It’s like asking what mom did to make Erin sick. Well, Erin didn’t breathe, it was her own damn fault [insert chuckle here]. It’s the same thing. It isn’t anyone’s fault. I am not angry. I’m not thrilled. I just want to find out exactly what is going on, so we can move on with our lives.
Read MoreYouTube – CH. NFurno: How the Drug Companies Make Vaccines
YouTube – CH. NFurno: How the Drug Companies Make Vaccines
Fabulous mock news story on vaccines and their ingredients.
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