Sometimes in seeking, we don’t always find
Sometimes I go looking for my mom, because I’ve forgotten she isn’t there, and I am surprised when I can’t find her.
Last week Sara was talking downstairs and I swore it was mom. I don’t hear her in my own voice, although I hear her in my words. I was pleasantly surprised to find her in Sara’s.
Eshiva has been crying lately, because when she grows up her daddy is going to die. I think Michael is upset because she only says it about him… which is weird because I still have my dad. You would think she would be upset that when she grows up her mommy is going to die. Then she starts crying because she misses Aunt Erin (whom she never met). So we have this whole long conversation about how our bodies are healthy and strong because we eat right and exercise and take care of them, and we aren’t dying anytime soon because our bodies work. Is is terrible that it was easier with the boys, because they saw death up close and personal, and were better able to understand it even though it is usually so abstract to children? They had something to apply it to and bring it away from the abstract to the concrete. I am at a loss as to how to handle it better with Eshiva, because she hasn’t seen it – she is borrowing worries, and I understand they are very very real to her… I don’t know how to ease them because death is still an abstract to her.
We’re headed to Orlando on Sunday to spend the twins belated birthday trip with them, and staying on Monday as a pre-birthday trip for Eshiva. Money is tight, but when isn’t it?
I went to the dentist yesterday. 119$ later and my teeth have been thoroughly x-rayed, photographed, cleaned, poked and prodded. I have an periodontist appointment next week. Then I have another cleaning in four weeks. Then, if the perio gives me the all-clear I can start with the orthodontist. If not… I think I’ll just stick with quarterly cleanings and hope for the best. The dentist was talking about gum transplants and other expensive-sounding things. She also said I was in a grey area where it could be ok, or it could be a problem, but it isn’t currently one or the other. I cannot start orthodontia until I find out which it is. Hopefully the periodontist has good news and not bad.
1 Comment
Whenever I'm in my room and you're in another room talking loudly or yelling at the kids, I hear mom, too, in you. it's that whole thing where you cant tell yourself, but you can in others.