In my flitting about the internet I wound up in this blog (not that post, but I wound up in that post) and it got me to thinking…
By the time my oldest was not quite 3 and my middle was not quite 1 they had been through an extended illness, death and funeral. I cuddled and comforted my father, while my mother cuddled and was comforted by my children. I breastfed by the graveside so my baby would keep quiet during the services. My toddler said Aunt Erin is in the ground now. We wept, and I was strong and I have always shown photos of Aunt Erin and said who she is and reminded them to not forget… introduced them for they will never meet.
By the time oldest was just past 6 and my middle was just past 4 and my baby was barely 18 months we had dealt with another long illness, another death, another funeral. This time I breastfed, and had another child hiding under my skirt and another comforted my father. We wept again, and I was strong again, and I have to remind my children I had a mommy and who she was because they are kids and they forget.I have to remind them I had another sister too, they had a Grandma and an Aunt and all we have left are pictures and memories to share, and those memories pop up at the strangest of times.
I’m watching my grandma and zaide get old now. I’ve never dealt with aging death. Death that creeps in from all sides, slowly and stealthily. I can’t say it’s any better than death from illness… which I suppose in itself if slow and stealthy, just a different kind. How will I explain that to them? Will I even have to?
I am always interested in how people choose to introduce this to their kids – I think they can handle it better than we think they can. I think they get it, and I think at some point they will worry about us disappearing regardless of whether it’s at age two or four or ten or thirty. I know I can handle death in my twenties… how about in my fifties? It’s a new experience every time.
this post is so touching, jenn. you are a strong mama, and it shows. <3 <3 <3
.-= effie´s last blog ..as of late… =-.
<3 Thanks Effie
You explain it to them as you explained Mom and Erin..That it happens, whether from illness or growing old, and that it’s life. Might sound harsh when I specifically say it, but ’cause you’re Jenn, you can make it so they understand. It seems strange to think of all we, as a family, have been through. But we have and it’s always been dealt with. We’re a strong, maybe sometimes depressing on certain days, family. The ids will understand no matter what in their own way as adult do it their own way….Wow, this almost seems profound. <3 you Jenn.