The last day.
Dorian came home with all of his supplies, books, everything we’ve paid for and less than half of which he will need at the new school. When I picked him up from his carpool this afternoon I was just told she was sad she heard it from D first. Well now, I tried to pin you down for a week to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. It just would have meant more convincing anyway. I didn’t need convincing. I needed a shoulder and a friendly voice telling me it was the right thing for everyone. Instead I got admonished about the mistake I was making, and that public is not as good as private. I told you yes, yes it is. I thought the same thing, until my sister almost failed out of the very same private, and is flourishing in public. My son, in public K this year is reading as well as my other son who is two years older. It is just as good. Maybe it’s better. Maybe not for everyone, but it seems to be for us.
If I had to have this conversation with my mom, my mom who is the only reason I stuck it out this long, why I fought to keep him in that private school in the first place, would have nodded, and told me if it was what I felt was right, and given me that supportive shoulder. Even my mom, who loved that school, loved it’s administrators and loved it’s students, would have seen that her children, her grandchildren, were thriving outside of that school. She would have nodded, and told me that sometimes the best for one isn’t the best for all, and she would have known from experience.
Michael dealt with most of this, because I couldn’t, because I felt like I was letting down my mom, some ideal of my mom. But in reality, I was letting down myself for hiding behind that idea. Always supportive, she would have stod behind me and given me the push to take of it myself. Well, I made the final decision, I walked in with Michael to tell them we were thinking of taking him out, and I went in with him when we told them his final day was the thirtieth. I did not go in all this week, or this morning when we paid for a missing book and to make sure his supplies would come home.
When I picked him up I could have just gotten him and left, but I went in to talk to Erin. We spoke, and she is saddened by my choice. I don’t see it as a loss. I see it as a gain. I am gaining at least three hours a day to play with him. I am gaining a more leisurely morning. No more rushing to leave by 7:30, but by 8:10. No more making dinner so early in the afternoon it’s barely past lunch time, because I don’t have to pick him up at 4 or 5 or 3:30. Everyone will be home by 2:45ish and that leaves our whole evening free.
I am losing things, but by my lists, by my weight system, I am gaining so much more.
