Just got off the phone with him again. I may have to drive down there to take care of our car ins. (don’t ask, long fucking story, and a stupid one too) so it kind of gives me an excuse to go down anyway. We are calling to find out of I can avoid the big expensive trip, but if not, it may be some serendipity happening. Mom would freak out if I showed up on the step, she’d think she was dying [faster], but if I have to come down to take care of some business, then it’s ok.
So we’ll see. My father has long been the voice of reason to me. I had called because I can’t send him the money back I wanted to, and we might, in fact, have to borrow more, which breaks my heart. He was very insistant to me (to make sure I understood) that this was just the first two weeks for us, the first real paycheck, and to give it a few months before we decide on anything. He said we are more than welcome back at the house, to which I said I’d really rather not. I also said that as much as it sucked, we were financially secure living in two rooms in their house. I knew what to expect. There was no “crappy winter season” because of bad weather. We weren’t paying out the ass for internet, electricity, tv, etc…
I told Michael what he said, what I said, and I said I really am not pushing one way or the other. I know how much it sucks living there, and how much it’ll cost to go back.
So in the end, we’ll wait it out a few months. Prolly till next summer if we can afford it. We’ll see if it gets better or worse.
I worry that if we do wind up back down there, it wont be under the circumstances I’d like. I am very sad I am not seeing my mom into her “twilight” years. I worry I wont see my dad into his.
Live and learn, right? Sucks here, sucked there. Can’t win. Does anyone?
