my moms cancer has spread again, the found two tumors on her brain. they will be scanning her spine tomorrow.
um, yah. how that for the punchline, huh?
i have no clue what is going to happen. no one does. they are going to try radiation therapy, it didn’t sound like they were going to operate. basically it sounds like it hit the lymph system, so it’s a losing battle now.
she seems pretty upbeat. dad isnt’ sure if she is lying to herself or if she really thinks she’ll be ok. he said does it matter either way. i guess not.
he’s ok. they haven’t told her parents, and only one brother (and asked him not to spread it around). no one’s told the twins.
i already told my dad when the time comes they’ll come live with us. i told him he probably would too, there will be plenty of room.
i don’t feel as shocky as this post makes me sound, it was broken to me this afternoon, so i’ve had time to absorb. i was hoping she had longer, but all the research i found said metastasized brain tumor patients tend to have 5 years or less (30% will have more) but because of how rapidly this has spread, and the size of the initial tumor in her colon, i don’t think either my dad or i are fooling ourselves. he is thinking in terms of months at this point. whether he is like me, and plans for the absolute worst and is pleasantly surprised when it doesn’t happen, or i dont know… he’s seen it before, in his dad. i guess it’s different living through it a second time upclose…
he hopes it’s fast. he said it’s better this way. the lung cancer would have been worse, more painful. if this does her in, it wont be so bad.
this is sneaking up on me. i feel like i’ve lost all control. i never had any. not over this. it’s too much. it’s not fair. my dad said it was silly to want to strangle god, but it’s really not. it would be fair. it would be just. at least, right this instant, i think it would be.
